Historical Confusion: A Tall Tale

By Alan B. Combs

Some times it is altogether too difficult to gain the recognition for which one is due. This sad state of affairs can be exemplified by the following misadventure.

In a nameless land long ago and far away, the people were terrorized by a terrible scourge, the Gordian Dragon. In contrast to what we have learned about such creatures, this was not a fire-breathing dragon, but, perhaps, in some ways he was worse. He was a Sneezing Dragon. He would sneeze and cover everything in his vicinity with his viscous nasal secretions. For those that have St. Bernards and other such large dogs, this might not seem to be such a bad thing — you get used to it, you see. The trouble, however, with this dragon was that the secretions would dry very hard and impervious like Kevlar.

In our present feeble fable, he sneezed on the main castle door, trapping the Lord and all his minions on the inside. Unprepared for a siege, they faced starvation within a week or two.

Now, the Bull family was renowned for all the valiant heroes produced in its lineage. The last of the line, Hannah, was no different. A mighty warrior was she. Hannah was sure that her powerful sword-work would be adequate to removing the barrier to egress. The trouble was that she could not get out the door to eliminate the block. She caught herself thinking of at least twenty-two different remedies, none of which were useful, so she kept hacking away.

And it came to pass that among the other folks trapped in the castle were a family of journeyman carpenters’ apprentices. The three sons in the family were each known as Alec and their job was to make completed furniture smooth and ready for finishing by rubbing the surfaces with cloths saturated with pumice grit. The name redundancy was not a problem because of the great size difference in the sons. One was quite small, one was normal-sized, and one was very large. The boys were named accordingly.

While Hannah was shouting and chipping away at the door, the largest Alec got a thin, long, and sharp razor and quietly slipped it through the boards in the door. With great effort he was able to slice through the barrier. At that moment, the mighty Hannah struck a last gigantic blow on the door and it burst open. The dragon was long gone and the castle inhabitants were free. Everyone cheered for Hannah, and she basked in the glory.

However, we know it was not Hannah Bull that saved them, even though she got the credit for it. Actually, it was Alec, sander, (the Great) that cut the Gordian snot.

After seeing the above post, Harry Farkas immediately came back with the topper: “So you’re saying it was Alec and a lass who saved the day.”

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