Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Hellish Punishment

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Politically Incorrect, Shaggy Puppy

This is from Gil Ross on the groaner listserv. The author is not known.


Frank dies and goes to Hell. The Devil takes him on a tour of Hates, looking for just the right place for Frank to spend eternity.

The Devil opens the door to room #1, and there, Frank sees hundreds of people burning. They are all screaming in agony and begging for mercy. Frank is stunned. With terror in his voice he asks Satan, “What did they do to deserve such a fate?”

The Devil smiles, and says, “Those are Catholics, who didn’t go to confession.”

The Devil and Frank move on, still looking for just the right place. They come upon room #2, and, as the Devil opens the door, Franks sees hundreds of people immersed in vats of boiling, flaming oil. Just like in room #1, they are all screaming and pleading for mercy.

Now, shaking with fear, Frank asks Satan, “This is so horrible, what could these people have possibly done to deserve such a fate?”

The Devil smiles again, and replies, “Those are Jews, who ate pork.”

The Devil and Frank continuing on their quest, come upon room #3. The Devil opens the door, and Frank sees hundreds of people staked to ground, arms and legs spread, being eaten alive by rats and other vermin. Like before, they are all screaming in agony and begging for mercy and forgiveness.

A thoroughly terrified Frank, in a barely audible whisper, asks Satan, “What could these people have possibly done to deserve such a fate?”

The Devil smiles again, and says, “Those are Episcopalians, who ate their entrees with their salad forks.”

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