These are from the groaners listserv.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital ?
To have his ghoul stones removed !
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
He could feel it in his bones !
What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?
Lazy bones !
What do boney people use to get into their homes ?
Skeleton keys !
What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?
It came back with a skeleton crew !
Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them.
Why didn’t the Invisible Man get invited to the Halloween party?
They knew he wouldn’t show up. (Gary Hallock)
Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin! (Clynch Varnadore)
How do mummies hide?
They wear masking tape.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend. (Lederer & Entner)
How can you tell that Doctor Frankenstein had a good sense of humor?
Because he kept his monster in stitches. (Gary Hallock)
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes?
A cereal killer. (Clynch Varnadore)
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body. (Clynch Varnadore)
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They’re good at keeping things under wraps (Gary Hallock)
If the devil lost his tail, where could he find a new one?
At a store where they retail spirits (Stan Kegel)
Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet.
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
“You’re under a vest!”
Why aren’t there any famous skeletons?
They’re a bunch of no bodies.
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
They’re afraid of flying off the handle! (Clynch Varnadore)
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
What happened to the monster children who ate all their vegetables?
They gruesome.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem.