Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Halloween Poetry

Category: Puns, Rated G

From those punsters on the limericks and haiku listserv:


On Monday the coven was shocked
To learn that a witch had been socked
She took quite a beating
At last wiccan’s meeting
So this week the back doors warlocked
(Gary Hallock)

To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin’ will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises
(Gary Hallock)

One of those dead old pha-raohs
Once asked his dad why ’twas he was
“Now I’m just a dummy
So go ask your mummy
But she will just tell you, “Be gauze”
(Gary Hallock)

The famous Egyptian King Tut
Had a fabulous musical butt
“But some people thinks
My music, it sphynx
I blow toots uncommon, so what?”
(Gary Hallock)

Hot cauldron simmers
Keep an eye out for… Uh Oh!
Eye newt ‘twould boil up (Gary Hallock)

Without fangs you’ll hear vampires complain
“Hey this sucks!” but I’d like to explain
If they can’t make you bleed
They will never succeed
And their biting will all be in vein (Gary Hallock)

Mom! Don’t hold my hand
No one is scared of monsters
Who can’t walk alone
(Gary Hallock)

When the full moon is giving its glow
The hair on this fellow will grow!
But you never will creep
Up on him in his sleep,
That’s why he’s aware-wolf, you know!
(Clynch Varnadore)

Hair stands on split ends
Gray lines! Witch ghost to show you
Some streaking’s spooky
(Gary Hallock)

Count Dracula, lanky and slight,
And eschewing a heartier bite,
Was growing bulimic
On victims anemic.
He insisted on making it Blood Lite.
(Rob)

Too much candy left
Expecting more costumers
I’ll stay up later
(Gary Hallock)

Knock on Falwell’s door
Dressed as a teletubby
That should piss him off
(Gary Hallock)

Torch between my legs
I’m dressed as Pinocchio
Great balsa fire!
(Gary Hallock)

What’s wrong, are you blind?
I’m the invisible man
Why can you not see?
(Gary Hallock)

“Wear something lacey
And you will be a shoe-in
To be my sole mate”
(Guy BenMoshe)

Vampire tricks and treats
Superstitiously fearful
Of crossing the streets
(Gary Hallock)

The invisible man takes great pleasure
When ever someone comes and says “Your
visible, Eh?”
Then just go away.”
He thrives on such rude disappear pressure
(Gary Hallock)

Now Gail is a heckuva Ghostess
I say this but then I can boastess
She’ll come up and coo,
Well, how do you ‘boo’
She is the Ghostess with the Mostess
(Clynch Varnadore)

Mom’s not in costume!
I’ll be the Wolfman and she
Will be the Mummy
(Gary Hallock)

From the pyramid when one exhumes
A mummy, he’s mute we presumes
But you’ll know when one’s coming
By listening for humming
He doesn’t know words, just the tombs
(Gary Hallock)

Lon Chaney once met Mister Hyde
Who had the poor fellow tongue tide
When Hyde asked “Is that hair
That you wear, wash & wear
Or do you wear wolf just inside?”
(Gary Hallock)

I took her broom but
If this witch must walk, I will
Not lose any sweep
(Gary Hallock)

Knock knock.
Who’s there.
Zombies.
Zombies who?
Zombies make honey and zombies don’t.
(Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)

The vamp gives the chickens a fright
When they see him they always take flight
But there’s one that he catches
Whose jewelry he snatches
And he flies with his capon all night
(Gary Hallock)

A really old vampire named “Tex”
Is “out for blood” and I suspects
He’s not a nice guy
If he catches your eye
It’s you who will likely be necks
(Gary Hallock)

The mummy was looking quite dapper
“Got rich from my music, Old Chapper ‘
Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world’s greatest wrapper!”
(Clynch Varnadore)

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  • Welcome to the new home of Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots. At least 3057 horrible puns, shaggy dogs, groaners, and feghoots. And a couple of good ones.

    In Defense of Shaggy Dog Stories

    From Whence the Nomenclature Shaggy Dog

    Note: Some of these entries can be a bit on the racy side. And some should probably not be read by the more easily offended. All such posts are tagged "Adult Theme", "Politically Incorrect", or "PG-13" as appropriate.

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