Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Golf is Good for Italian Men

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

From Brother Tom Vickery.

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”

“I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.”

“Well”, says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?”

“Who said my Father’s dead?”

The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your Father’s still alive. How old is he?”

“He’s 100 years old,” says the Old Italian golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, and had a little vino, and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.”

“Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Father’s Father? How old was he when he died?”

“Who said my Nono’s dead?”

Stunned, the doctor asks, “you mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?”

“He’s 118 years old,” says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”

“No, Nono couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.”

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. “Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?”

“Who said he wanted to?”

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