Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Fringe Benefits

Category: Rated G

This nautical tale is by Chris Cole.


It seems the United States Navy was rather disturbed recently about the alarming amount of skin problems among its latest new crop of recruits. Not normally known for making rash decisions, the Navy rather promptly assembled a team of its leading dermatologists to attack the issue. In rather short order this crack team was able to develop an ointment to combat the post-adolescent skin disorder among the recruits.

In official (and predictable) gratitude, the Navy commissioned a brand new medal to commemorate the defeat of this awful scourge. A bright, four-inch-square golden medallion was adorned with a long crimson ribbon sporting a garish green-and-purple fringe all around its border. It wasn’t long before this overly ornate decoration became informally known among naval personnel as “The Frill of Victory Over The Acne of the Fleet”.


Bob Levi added this original contribution:

Remember the great character movie actor, Victor Jory. Most people don’t realize that he had been classically trained as a tenor opera singer before going into films. His specialty was Rossini operas and he became proficient at singing the intricate embellishments required of fine Rossini singers. He trained under the famous Italian voice teacher, Professore Giuseppe Cantante.

The main reason that Victor didn’t pursue his operatic career was that when he sang his feet would ache. His music teacher used to refer to this strange phenomenon as “da trill of Vic Jory and da agony of da feet.”

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  1. Peter

     /  July 9, 2010

    Reading this shortly after http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/12112/the-killer-bees it’s hard not to observe that for its operatives in particularly inaccessible locations, the navy may have had to fly in the ointment.

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