The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This offering is by John L. Ashman — it was a Co-Winner in the 2000 Vile Puns category.

We have created a monster, Doktor Frankenstein!” screeched Igor, the doktor’s right and left hand man, his little body quivering with delight, and before the good doctor could stop him Igor waved various human limbs and organs in the patchwork face of the giant, howling, “Tell me, stranger, are you from these parts?”

Alice Collins respnded, “I work for Walmart, and we get a lot of strange customers. One day, Dr. Frankenstein came in and wanted to know where sporting goods was. It seems he wanted to look at some body building equipment.

“Terry Pratchett also has a lot of fun with the story of Dr Frankenstein in his books ‘Carpe Jugulum’ and ‘The Fifth Elephant’ with a little Dracula thrown in. By the way, did you know Dracula was a Type A personality?”