Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Four Marriages

Category: Rated G

A lovely old groaner from Mitch Friedman


Once upon a time, two women were talking and the one asks the other how many times she’s been married, and the reply was four. “Four times!” exclaimed the first woman, why so many?

The other woman said: “Well, I first got married when I was very young, and I married this wonderful man who was a banker. However, one day just a few weeks after we were married, his bank was robbed and he was shot and killed.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s terrible” the first woman said.

“Well, it wasn’t that tragic. Soon after that, I started seeing another man who performed in the circus. He was really a great guy, but he lived pretty dangerously because he performed his high-wire act without a net. Well, a few weeks after we got married, he was performing a show and suddenly a gust of wind came by and knocked him off his wire and he was killed.”

“Your second husband was killed too?!!? That’s horrible!”

“Yes, it was terrible, but at the funeral I fell in love with the minister and we got married soon after that. Unfortunately, one Sunday while he was walking to church, he was hit by a car and killed.”

“Three??? Three husbands of yours were killed? How could you live through all that?”

“It was pretty tough, but then I met my present husband. And he’s a wonderful man. I think we’ll live a long happy life together.”

“And what does your present husband do for a living?” “He’s a mortician.”

“A mortician? I don’t understand something here. First you marry a banker, then a circus performer, then a minister, and now a mortician? Why such a diverse grouping of husbands?”

“Well, if you think about it, it’s not too hard to understand… One for the money… Two for the show… Three to get ready… And four to go!”

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