Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Forgotten Purpose

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

Stan Kegel sends us this original by Lee Daniel Quinn [words@iop.com]

In the deep dark jungles of southern Africa lived a wizened old man who had not seen another person in over fifty years. Because of his age, he had a very poor memory and — while he knew he had a task in life — he couldn’t quite remember what it was. He did remember it had something to do with light or flame, but beyond that it was a blank.

He went through the forest each day, hoping that something would remind him of his task — but to no avail.

One day he came across an area that had apparently been the site of some sort of safari camp. Looking closer he noticed the carnage. Four bodies were horribly hacked to piece while they were sitting and eating. He simply wasn’t strong enough to bury the rotting corpses, so he decided to leave and let the jungle do the work. When he was walking away he noticed a fifth body. Apparently doing his best to run away. The body lay on his front with one spear neatly piercing his midsection.

Why was this one man trying so hard to get away? He couldn’t figure it out but he thought the spear would make a fine walking stick so he paused to pull it out of the body. It was in solidly, so he had to pull the body nearly erect before the spear could be released.

It was then that he noticed the package. It was a drawstring bag of fine leather which had been stained with the blood of the fifth man. Apparently this man was making a supreme effort to protect this bag. What could possibly have made this poor person flee with that small bag? What could be in that bag?

Upon opening it, he saw that it contained an ancient brass lamp of curious and intricate workmanship.

Memories came flooding back and the old man found he had tears in his eyes. He remembered his joy filled days in Kashmir. He remembered the luxuries of the Jinn’s palace and the beautiful dancing girls.

He lovingly rubbed the rich patina of its bronze sides. Then he heard that sepulchral tones that he knew so well. It said “Well, Genie, its been a long time — get in, and welcome home.”

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