Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Foo Bird Shaggy

Category: Rated PG-13

Once a rich man went on a safari. As he was about to enter the jungle, his guide warned him, “The jungle is a dangerous place. There are tigers, poisonous snakes and other obvious dangers. But the most deadly of them all is the mysterious foo bird.”

“What makes it so dangerous?” the man asked.

“The foo bird is a very territorial animal,” the guide explained. “If you walk under a tree in which a foo bird nest, it will relieve itself on you.”

“Well, that certainly doesn’t sound like much fun,” the man replied, “but it doesn’t sound dangerous.”

“There is more than that. You cannot wipe off the feces, or it will cause a chemical reaction that will immediately kill you.”

As this made little sense, the rich man had trouble believing it and didn’t pay it much mind. A few hours later, they were walking through the jungle and a glob of foo bird feces hit him on top of the head. Before the guide could do or say anything, the man reached up and wiped it off. Sure enough, he dropped dead instantly.

The moral of the story is: If the foo shits, wear it.

« Previous post

Leave a Reply