Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Feghoot XXXVII: Feghoot Shipwrecked

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

By Reginald Bretnor as Grendel Briarton


In 2631, Ferdinand Feghoot found himself spaceshipwrecked on the fifth planet of Schimmelhorn III. The only other survivor was Dr. Jacqueline Cusp, the famous biologist, advocate of parthenogenesis, author of the popular work entitled “All Men Are Beasts”, and founder of a female movement which required its members to wear Mother Hubbards and full masks at all times.

In the wreck, their clothing had been almost completely burned off, but Feghoot, whose chivalry was proverbial, had salvaged part of the ship’s cargo of cured hides at great risk to himself, and had fashioned robes for the two of them.

“We had no idea,” he told his friend Robert Louis Stevenson on his next junket into the past, “that this planet was the home of the gnurrs, who devour fabrics, and leather, and even synthetics. That same night they descended upon us; and, without even disturbing us, ate up every one of the hides, including those we were wearing. At dawn I was wakened by the most hideous scream that ever I heard. The good doctor had found herself stark, staring naked!”

“It’s an interesting story,” commented Stevenson. “I might be able to use it if I could think of a title.”

“Why not call it ‘Dr. Jacqueline Missed Her Hide?'” suggested Ferdinand Feghoot.

(Copyright © 1961 by Mercury Press. First published in THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION, March 1961).

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