Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Feghoot XXXVI: Civil Rights

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Original Feghoots, Rated G

This is by Reginald Bretner writing under the pen name Grendel Briarton. It was published on the groaners listserve.


The Women’s Absolute Equality Party elected its first President in 2482, and set out to take over all known planets. Ferdinand Feghoot, then Governor-General of Awk-k-k-kaw in the system of Aldebaran, was ordered to accept a Mrs. Taffypull Jihad as his “Instructress,” to give her all aid while she indoctrinated the intelligent aviform natives, and finally resign his office.

Mrs. Jihad taught the Awk-k-k-kawians exactly how things were done back on Earth, not only in politics, but in everything else. Her pupils were apt; and she soon informed Feghoot that they had elected a feminine President and Senate and a masculine Vice-President and House, that Absolute Equality was established, and that he must resign.

Feghoot himself arranged a great ceremony. With Senators and Representatives all on their perches, he presented the native President and Vice-President, who delivered splendid orations of welcome.

When they had finished, however, the new Governess General leaped to her feet in a fury. “Feghoot!” she cried. “Why were they using two speakers’ stands? Why weren’t they using the same one? It’s discrimination! There’s a misogynist in the house ! “‘

“No, dear lady,” said Ferdinand Feghoot. “They are trying to follow Earth customs. You told them time and again that on Earth we invariably have . . . separate ladies’ rostrums and gentlemen’s rostrums.”

(Copyright © 1961 by Mercury Press. First published in THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION, February 1961).

« Previous post

Leave a Reply