Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Feghoot XLVIII: T. V.

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

This Feghoot is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pen name Grendel Briarton. Stan Kegel posted it to the Groaners listserv.


In 1962, the heads of three major TV networks begged Ferdinand Feghoot to advise them. “Freedom of speech is at stake!” cried A. Cerberus Mishmash. “Besides, we all shall lose money! It’s That Man, Norman Minow! He’s forced me to cancel Rape West of the Pecos, a nice clean family show, no nakedness in it!”

“That’s right,” put in one of his fellows, “and we had to scrap Sadist after lining up seven sponsors. Don’t American children have any rights any more?”

“You know what he called us?” shouted the other. “It was in this morning’s Drew Pearson. Abominable Snowmen, and after Hillary [Sir Edmund, remember this is 1962] proved they don’t even exist!”

“Feghoot,” Mishmash demanded, “how long must we put up with him? Will he hold office for decades, like J. Edgar Hoover?” He shuddered. “Or is this only a phase? You know the future; you can tell us. It’s worth sixty-four thousand, maybe more.”

“It won’t last very long,” Feghoot replied with a smile.

There were three sighs of relief. “That’s fine,” crowed Mishmash, as he wrote out the check. “Say, won’t it be good to get back in the groove!”

“Oh, you won’t be able to do that,” said Ferdinand Feghoot. “Your industry will never be quite the same again. You see, it’s now passing through what we can only describe . . . as its Minow pause.”

(Copyright © 1962 by Mercury Press. First published in THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION, February 1962).

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