Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Feghoot XLI: Feghoot and the Mother of Pearl

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

Capt. Ferdinand Feghoot, the famous interplanetary explorer, had arrived at Planet Pearl to pay his respects to its queen, the renowned Mother of Pearl. As was typical, she was the largest and shiniest Pearl on the planet.

Unfortunately, word reached him that the queen was very distraught. Her most trusted adviser Micheal, a lawyer, was committing suicide by walking into the Ammonia Sea. The suicide was a slow one because it would take weeks for Micheal to dissolve.

Capt. Feghoot rushed to the queen to comfort her, and to offer his aid in recovering Micheal. He in turn found out that the reason Micheal was committing suicide was because his complexion, unlike that of the other Pearls, was pitted and pock marked. Efforts to find Micheal and convince him to come back were in vain.

Ferdinand was sure he could find Micheal and bring him back. Sure enough, several days later he walked back up to the queen carrying Micheal on his shoulder. The queen was overjoyed.

“How did you do it !?!”, said the Queen.

“It was easy.”, replied Feghoot, “I simply took off my shoes and walked around on the beach by the sea and when I felt something rough between my toes, I knew I had found Micheal.”

“I don’t understand”, replied the queen.

“Simple. I just kept singing over and over to myself, “A gritty pearl is Micheal, L.L.D.””

(Copyright © 1961 by Mercury Press. First published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, July 1961.).

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