Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Feghoot: Cats

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

This story is based upon the tales by Reginald Bretnor. The author is unknown.


The humans of Onderdonck III were decidedly decadent. The felines, on the contrary, had mutated and progressed very rapidly. When Ferdinand Feghoot arrived there, in 3708, cats had almost all the good jobs, especially in Government service, and relations between the two species were definitely strained.

At this juncture, a young chap named Thomas Meow-wrreow was arrested for causing the death of a human called Petrus V. Parsnipp, a pioneer balloonist. Another human, Abercorn Sludge, had allegedly paid him to loosen the cords holding the ballast to Parsnipp’s balloon, thereby causing it “to soar rapidly, to become covered with ice, and to crash with fatal results to the aeronaut.”

Defense attorneys on Onderdonck III had to share the punishment of the accused if convicted, so poor Thomas could find no one to aid him. Only extreme verbal brilliance, the lawyers all knew, could dazzle a jury enough to procure an acquittal, and they despaired of their talents.

But Feghoot came forward.

In court, he laughed at the seemingly overwhelming evidence marshaled by the Prosecutor. Then he spoke the great sentence that won the case instantly.

“It is well known,” declared Ferdinand Feghoot, “that Tom untied weight for no man.”

« Previous post
Next post »

Leave a Reply