Feghoot and Annihilation

by Alan B. Combs (based on a character originally created by Reginald Bretnor)

One thing you can say about ancient Egyptian society is that both genders were equally prized. In fact, one of the most famous pharaohs had many wives, most of whom bore him female children. Eventually, as was frequently the case with such polygamous societies, he had dozens of girls running all around the place. Pharaoh loved them each and every one, and he filled one of the small Egyptian valleys with beautiful marble statues honoring these children.

Unfortunately, our modern times are ignorant about the images of these young women, because an untimely earthquake shook the valley and broke all the statues into fragments. Pharaoh was greatly saddened. His Valley of Joy had become a continuous affront to his eyes, and he wanted to fill it in. This was a task even beyond the powers of a pharaoh, however.

Pharaoh immediately sent for Ferdinand Feghoot who just happened to be vacationing on the Nile that decade. After surveying the damage, Feghoot made his plan. He sent for that super hero from another dimension, Howard the Duck. As we all remember from the movie, Howard was weird looking, loud, and might be characterized as generally disrespectful. Pharaoh was not amused. “How are you, a particularly worthless and foul example of a duck going to fill in this Valley of Disaster?” he shouted.

Howard reassured the king, saying, “My feathers grow very quickly, and they are as hard as rock. Like a ridge over rubbled daughters, I will lay my down.”

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