Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Favorite Toys by Denomination

Category: Lists, Poetry, Politically Incorrect, Rated G

Thanks to Stan Kegel for this list.

Capitalism: He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishn:a He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism: He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican: They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox No, they were OURS first.
Lutheran: Our toys are nailed on the door.
Branch Davidians: He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism: There is no toy maker.
Polytheism: There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism: The toys made themselves.
Church of Christ, Scientist: We are the toys.
Communism: Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.
B’Hai: All toys are just fine with us.
Amish: Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
Taoism: The doll is as important as the dump truck.
Mormonism: Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
Voodoo: Let me borrow that doll for a second, mon.
Hedonism: To heck with the rule book!? Let’s play!
Hinduism: He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
7th Day Adventist: He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
Church of Christ: He whose toys make music, loses.
Baptist: Once played, always played.
Jehovah’s Witnesses: He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism: He whose toys can talk, wins.
Existentialism: Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism: Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalism: We don’t care where the toys came from, let’s just play with them.
Agnosticism: It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
Apathy: Toys? What do I need toys for?
Judaism: I’m selling. You buying?
First Kinky Church: You bet your ass we got Toys.
First American Church: We play Only with cowboy toys.
Church of Scientology: Toys ‘R Us.

One ResponseLeave one →

  1. DClark

     /  October 6, 2012

    Islam: Insult my toy maker and I’ll kill you.

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