Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Ethical Behavior for Patients

Category: Current Events, Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Rated G

From the groaners listserv. My father would have greatly appreciated this one. Thanks, Dad.


1.DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT
Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him/her to lose valuable scientific objectivity.

2.BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he/she can get.

3.TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

4.DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.

5.NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE/SHE IS DOING, OR WHY
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.

6.SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.

7.PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.

8.DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

9.NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him/her from exposure.

10.NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR’S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS/HER DIRECT CARE
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

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