This is by LIN KA-MING (aka Magus Firecow) on alt.callahans under the title of “Attila the Pun III”.

“That story reminds me of the time…” says Magus Firecow from behind his Dry Blessing (no cream, whipped or otherwise, and barely any sugar at all…).

“I was a crewman on a ship running muskets and gunpowder into France a couple hundred years ago when this story took place. Our captain was none other than the-never-heard-of-before Captain Captain. A clever man he was, even though he had one of those annoyingly repetitive names. He packed the guns in crates which he then filled with escargots. After all, who would search through a pile of escargots. We pulled into port with our bootleg, looking all innocent. The provisional government must have gotten a tip, because there they were, a squad of dragoons boarded to search our ship. One by one the thugs opened the boxes, revealing more and more slimy shells. The harbour-master was getting madder and more embarrassed by the second. He eventually called off his goons and totally disgusted yelled: HIS CARGO IS REALLY SNAILS!!!”