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Equivalents — For All You Thinkers

Category: Lists, Puns, Rated G

This listing is from Mitch Friedman, and for which we thank him. (I was tempted, but I think “thinkers” is better than “nerds”.)


1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 200 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahertz
11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
12. Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
13. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilo mockingbirds
14. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
15. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
16. 8 nickles = 2 paradigms
17. 1 thousandth billionth of a nasal itch = 1 pico nose


2 ResponsesLeave one →

  1. Jim Macaulay

     /  May 9, 2013

    A slightly longer list:

    Useful English System conversions:

    Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

    2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

    2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

    1 millionth mouthwash: 1 microscope

    Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle

    Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

    365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year

    16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling

    Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

    1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

    Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

    Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

    Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

    Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond

    A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn

    453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

    Given the old adage “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, “the first step of a one-mile journey: 1 Milwaukee

    1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

    1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

    365.25 days: 1 unicycle

    2200 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

    52 cards: 1 decacards

    1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

    1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

    1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

    1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

    1 million billion picolos: 1 gigolo

    10 rations: 1 decoration

    100 rations: 1 C-ration

    10 millipedes: 1 centipede

    3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent

    10 monologs: 5 dialogues

    2 monograms: 1 diagram

    8 nickels: 2 paradigms

    2 wharves: 1 paradox

    100 Senators: Not 1 decision

    2 baby sitters: 1 gramma grampa

    4 lawyers: 2 paralegals

    2 untruths: 1 paralyze

    33.8 oz. of a soft drink case: 1 liter of the pack

    1 first date: 1 peck

  2. Jim Macaulay

     /  May 9, 2013

    Speaking of units of measure, The Washington Post’s Style Invitational invited readers to submit new units of measure. Here are a few of the responses.

    The pico-deliter: A measure of sibling rivalry.

    The serling-rod:The distance between light and shadow, between science and superstition, between a man’s fears and his knowledge — which turns out to be 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone.

    The slug: A measure of the disgustingness of something stepped on in bare feet.

    The godiva: Just a hair over nothing.

    The overpeso: The excess amount you spend on vacation purchases because you don’t understand the currency.

    Knot-furlong: The amount of time Gary Hart’s candidacy lasted after that trip to Bimini on the Monkey Business.

    The armstrong: One small step.

    The kant-fathom: A philosophical depth just over one’s head.

    The dynapere: A measure of failure in stand-up comedy.

    The ohman: The amount of resistance a husband produces when asked to do just one more little thing.

    The pushel: The amount of zucchini your neighbors try to give you after they planted 14 hills.

    The family joule: The minimum sperm energy needed to produce a child.

    The beltsize: A measure of time spent at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

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