By Gary Hallock

Despite his public image as a hardworking promoter of baked goods, the popular Pillsbury spokesman, Mr. Fresh, does occasionally enjoy activities outside of the kitchen. Recently he went on a camping trip with a few of his corporate mascot pals.

Present were Ronald McDonald, Uncle Ben, the Hamburger Helping Hand, Snap, Crackle and their Pop, The group enjoyed a pleasant weekend of fishing and hiking. In the evenings they gathered around the campfire and swapped amusing anecdotes of corporate mascottry.

None present on that weekend could help noticing that Mr. Fresh and Mr. Hand seemed especially chummy, spending much of their time together in what seemed like grooming activities. (I should mention here that soft doughy creatures and outdoor adventures don’t really mix well. It’s very tough for them to avoid picking up stray twigs and bugs as they interact with nature.)

All weekend the pair stayed close together and seemed curiously preoccupied with this grooming behavior. Numerous times through the evenings around the fire Mr. Hand was seen pressing his big puffy fingers into Poppin’s soft white flesh whereupon Mr. Fresh would let out his characteristic giggle. At first everyone just shrugged these things off, but by the end of the weekend whispered speculations about the relationship of these two grew rampant.

As the gang was packing up to return home, curiosity got the best of young Crackle and he just had to voice the question on everyone’s mind. “Mr. Fresh,” he shyly asked, “I couldn’t help noticing how close you two seem. Are you…um…a couple?”

“Oh my, no!” replied Mr. Fresh. “I’m always being bothered by parasites and such out here in the woods. Mr. Hand was just squashing them for me. He’s my dough mashed tick partner.”