Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Don’t Be Shellfish

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

Some black humor (or “humour”, as he would say) from Dave Wallace.

When Mr. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening the day after he’d lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well…tell me!” he demanded.

The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said, “Give me the bad news first.”

So the policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife’s body this morning in San Francisco Bay.”

“OH MY GOD!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

“Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her.”

“Huh?” he said, not understanding. “So, what’s the great news?”

The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, “We’re going to pull
her up again tomorrow morning.”

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