Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Deadly Weaponry (Feghoot XV)

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

What I find very fascinating is how apropos Reginald Bretnor’s Feghoots can be today, especially in these times.


In August 3188, Ferdinand Feghoot saved Earth from a trans-temporal invasion by the Thutians, an uncouth race from the wrong side of the Coalsack.

Learning of their intentions, he presented himself at their Chief of Staff’s office disguised as a Martian mroof trader. These persons having been everywhere, he was cordially welcomed. The Chief of Staff asked him at once whether Earth 1970 had anything better than primitive nuclear weapons.

Feghoot extruded his (synthetic) third-eye-stalk, as all Martians do when they want to be very impressive. “Earth-1970,” he declared, “has the most terrible weapons ever developed. Its scientists take certain common, virtually harmless airborne germs, speed up their reproduction tremendously, concentrate them in fantastic numbers, and direct them at individuals and groups of the enemy, who are infallibly doomed.”

The Chief of Staff turned very pale. “Wh-what do they call th-these abominable weapons?” he asked.

“Guided measles,” whispered Ferdinand Feghoot.

(Copyright © 1959 by Mercury Press. First published in THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION, July 1959.).

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