Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Cussing at Work

Category: Adult Theme, Puns

Sent by Tom Vickery.


Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
    TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

Number 2
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: She’s a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: Tell some one who gives a sh__.

Number 7
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

Number 10
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn’t you tell me sooner?

Number 11
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues…
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

Number 12
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I’m on salary.

Number 15
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD O F: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
    INSTEAD TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

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