Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Cow Tales

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

Ms. Scarlett sent this classic Texas tale. The author is not known.


The only cow in the Texas A&M Dairy stopped giving milk. The Vet from the Large Animal Clinic did some research and found they could buy a cow from Texas Tech, for $600.00. They bought the cow from Lubbock, and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again. So, they bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet School Dean, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Dean what was happening: “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side, and she walks away to the other side.”

The Dean thinks about this for a minute and asks, “Did you buy this cow in Lubbock?”

The Aggies were dumbfounded,since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Lubbock?”

The Dean replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Lubbock.”


Cow Tales — Addendum

My dear, sweet sister Cathy quickly informed me that she did not want to hurt my feelings, but I had the story all wrong, and that this is what “REALLY” happened.

The only cow in the Texas A&M Dairy stopped giving milk. The Vet from the Large Animal Clinic did some research and found they could buy a cow from Lubbock, for $600.00. They bought the cow from Lubbock, and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again. So, they bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came from behind the cow, the cow would move away. No matter how many times the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Texas A&M Vet School Dean, who was a very wise female, what to do. They told the Dean what was happening: “Whenever the bull approaches our cow from behind, she moves away.”

The Dean thinks about this for a minute and asks, “Did you buy this bull from UT in Austin?”

The Aggies were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Dean,” they said. “How did you know we got the bull in Austin?”

The Dean replied with a distant look in her eye, “My husband is from Austin and he always tries that approach.”

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