Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Cosmetic Surgery

Category: Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

This quickie was prompted by a query from Stan Kegel.


Mary was a happy lamb, with fleece as white as snow. But as she got older, she became more and more depressed because of an increasingly objectionable cosmetic defect in her ears. They were becoming more and more Droopy (can you imagine dog-like ears?).

Finally, Mary discovered the way Doberman Pinschesr had their ears trained to stand up, instead of drooping. This treatment occasionally includes surgery and taping the ears upright with little wooden splints.

In a spirit of desperation, Mary tried this treatment for herself. She was overjoyed to see how well it worked. At last she had happy ewe ears.

— Alan B. Combs


Although Mary was happy with her reworked ears, some people didn’t notice the change in her. So she crafted a sign, in a striking picket style, that she carried around, noting her improved ears. Sure enough, she began to get more compliments on her appearance. After a while, though, the compliments dwindled, and she gave it up. She was tired of carrying around that old dang sign…

— Bob Dvorak


This is the wee story that Stan was looking for.

Rudolph’s Surgery

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.

Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks. However it wasn‚t his glowing probiscus that he wanted changed. He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it.

No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average rain deer, or bear for that matter.

So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as “New Ears Day.”

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