Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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College Football Questions (2006 Version)

Category: Puns, Rated G

This is from Shayne Gad. Yep. It’s ’bout that time again. Last night I watched Florida State and Miami work to beat each other into submission. It was one of those situations where whoever won, one couldn’t say the best man did. About the only notable exclusions from this list are SoCal, Notre Dame, and the Aggies.


(1) What does the average Michigan State player get on his SATs?

Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth (sorry, Mike).

(3) How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room?

Grease the hips and push.

(4) How do you get a Florida State graduate off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend?

There’s tobacco juice stains on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?

Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a Miami (Florida) football player’s life?

His freshman year.

(8) How many Oklahoma freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

They can’t. That’s a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?

Durham, North Carolina. He knew that the police would never look at Duke for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY

(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team colors?

They can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.


Lowrie Beacham said No. 10 should be changed to Clemson.

Howell Gwin added, “Why did Ole Miss put Astroturf on its field?

To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

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