January 28, 2023 Pun of the Day
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/january-28-2023-pun-of-the-day/
January 17, 2023 Pun of the Day
… http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/january-17-2023-pun-of-the-day/
I stole a kilt and had to plaid guilty…
This one was submitted by Mike Franklin.
This princely story made I laaaff it did. I wouldne to rob ye of such pleasure….
Prince Charles is making a hospital visit in Scotland and goes into a ward and asks the patients how they are.
The first one replies:
… Read the rest...Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang’s my
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/stole-kilt-plaid-guilty/
The Kadinka-Donka Machine
This shaggy story was submitted by Wesley Parish, who says:
“Here’s something you might not have; it was a favourite at Yarralumla Primary in Canberra in the mid-70s.”
There was a rich and not altogether intelligent young man getting bored with his life of excessive privilege. One day while driving at random through the Peruvian Andes, he noticed a sign by the side of the road. It said “Kadinka-Donka Machines Our Speciality”.
So he went along the little side road … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/kadinka-donka-machine/
Windows of Opportunity
Joe Blake submitted this little guy.
A bloke was walking along the street one day when he passed the local community hall and heard a burst of enthusiastic applause from within. He noticed a small handwritten sign on the door which said “Free Lecture – How to Succeed. All Welcome.” He entered the door and found himself in a room packed with people, bursting into spontaneous applause as they listened to the speaker on the stage. Standing at the back … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/windows-of-opportunity/
A Seasonal Feghoot
Mike Franklin sent in this little adventure of our friend Ferdinand Feghoot.
On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police. There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town’s leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.
“It’s a common enough means of death for cartoon characters,” Fenwick opined. “Every year we lose five or … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/seasonal-feghoot/
Just Duckserts
Submitted by Mike Franklin.
Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
‘We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/just-duckserts/
Drinking the Cool Aid
This one, sent in by Mike Franklin, has been making the rounds. But this version is a bit more shaggy then what I had seen.
I’ll start this one with an evil grin…
So there’s this slightly introverted high school student who has never asked a girl to a dance. It’s his senior year and he feels that he should go to prom. He musters up the courage to ask one of his friends. She says yes…… Now he has … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/drinking-the-cool-aid/
Dublin my Fortune
I could have sworn we had a version of this ancient shaggy dog, but I couldn’t find it. So the hat tip goes to Mike Franklin’s submission.
One day, in the midst of the Amazon jungle, an explorer called Carstairs found, on a log, a very small, squishy, red creature with lots of legs. Now, Carstairs had never seen anything like this animal before, and so, taking care in case it was poisonous, he carefully put the creature into a … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dublin-my-fortune/
A Knight to Remember
Another submission from Mike Franklin.
I shall keep this preamble short for I fear that great moments in history should be recalled without recourse to explanation. Relax, dear reader, for the tale I tell is one of mighty deed.
Once, in days of old when knights were bold and rode around the country saving damsels in distress there was a little man. Now I mean little not just small but really really little. He may have been the smallest fully … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-knight-to-remember/
Nate Reprised
Here’s a truly shaggy version of a classic, submitted by Mike Franklin.
The art of the Shaggy dog was passed to me by my late father so I feel I can appreciate a good one when I see it….. Well I saw it and feel the need to pass it on…. just in case it is not one that I missed whilst working through the offerings here….
With acknowledgement to Exhibit A who posted this elsewhere I bring you … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/nate-reprised/
Ducktor Who?
This was found by my dear aunt on Facebook. It’s creator is unknown.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ducktor-who/
How to Treat Elves
This ancient, shaggy poem is attributed to Morris Bishop, and was submitted to us by Denny Adams.
I met an elf man in the woods,
The wee-est little elf!
Sitting under a mushroom tall–
‘Twas taller than himself!
“How do you do, little elf,” I said,
“And what do you do all day?”
“I dance ‘n fwolic about,” said he,
“‘N scuttle about and play;”
“I s’prise the butterflies, ‘n when
A katydid I see,
‘Katy didn’t’ I say, and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-treat-elves/
The Witching Time of Fright
The Witching Time of Fright” by Cynthia MacGregor from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007)
There was a woman “of a certain age,” and age had not been kind to her. In fact, her appearance caused some to call her a witch, a fact she eventually turned to her advantage.
You see, the woman had seen both Hannibal Lecter movies and decided she would emulate his example. But unlike cannibal Hannibal, the woman ate … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-witching-time-of-fright/
A Mime is a Terrible Thing to Waste
Another story from Joe Blake.
Whilst Welsh miners are noted worldwide for their musical ability, there have been instances of other talents being discovered “down the pits”. One case which comes to mind was that of “Silent Llewellyn” who was, of all things, an excellent mime artist. Whilst it was not something he could exercise very successfully in the semi-dark of the workface – for example his mime of “She Stopes to Conquer” both went down like a lead balloon … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-mime-is-a-terrible-thing-to-waste/
A Shaggy Stone Gathers No Moss
Another submission from Joe Blake.
A competition was held to determine who would be given the commission to create a series of bronze statues of The Rolling Stones.
The hunt went world-wide, via TV, Newspapers, The Internet, and even word of mouth. After 12 months the judges had eliminated all but 5 artists, based upon their smile, their hairstyle, their huggability, their body odour, dress sense and even their artistic ability as displayed in samples of their work.
These were … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-shaggy-stone-gathers-no-moss/
A Ham Fisted Pun
Joe Blake submitted this Christmas story.
A farmer walked into his local doctor’s surgery to seek treatment for some rather nasty gashes around his legs. The doctor asked the man what had happened.
“Well, doc,” he says, “Christmas is coming up, and a few months ago my wife and I selected a piglet for us to fatten up for Christmas dinner, and I’ve been given that young fellow special rations to get him into proper shape, and I was just … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-ham-fisted-pun/
Brothel Sues Church (Adult Content)
Stan Kegel recently posted this to the Puns at Yahoo group. I do think it is an older tale, one that speaks too well to our human condition.
Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/brothel-sues-church-adult-content/
Shaggy Campfire
Dave Wallace sent this timely piece of advice in.
In California, and, indeed, many parts of the West – the whole country, actually, prevention of uncontrolled wildfire is critically important. So when we camp out in the Sierras, on the last night of a multi-day backpack, we occasionally get carried away and have a bigger fire than might be prudent.
The National Forests have some rules:
Prepare Your Site – Find a level spot away from overhanging branches, brush, or … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-campfire/
Shaggy Cotton
Another from the prolific Dave Wallace.
Central California and Australia produce some of the finest cotton in the world. The reason is that it never (well, hardly ever) rains in California and, using irrigation from the Sierras, the crop can be kept at the exact soil moisture necessary to optimize plant growth. The same
situation exists in parts of Australia, where it truly never rains, but the water is supplied by Artesian wells. Never so dry that the crop is … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-cotton/
Shagga Shagga
Dave submitted this tale from Down Under.
This is a true story.
Born in Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia, I’ve hiked/backpacked the Australian Alps and the California Sierras for all of my life. I’m Strine.
So, on a Trans-Sierra Day Hike (TSDH) a few years ago, the following actually happened.
Crossing the Sierras (“The Range of Light”, according to John Muir) in a single day is not only possible, but very instructive. If you start at the Rock … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shagga-shagga/
When Irish Sighs are Whiling
Dave Wallace submitted this one, saying, “I’ve been telling this for years, don’t know where it came from and can’t believe it’s not in the collection.”
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat’s dem”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere,” says Gerry, “Put dem in a peeper bag.” … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/when-irish-sighs-are-whiling/
I Stink, Therefore I Am
This one is from prolific creator of puns, Dave Wallace.
Even in grade school, just after graduating from Kindy, Vangelis & Becky found themselves isolated from all the “mainstream” kids, who had rejected them because they smelled just a bit “off”. Becky’s mom was a stickler for personal hygiene, making sure that Becks had at least one shower or bath each day. Vangelis, unusually for a boy, knew that he could be a little pungent after physical exercise, so took … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/i-stink-therefore-i-am/
Shakes Hands with the Head of the Household
This shaggy story was submitted by Dave Wallace. In his email, he said he should feel sorry for it, but I don’t think he is.
Little Tommy stomped loudly into the kitchen & yelled at the top of his voice “GOTTA PISS!”. Arthur Sydney’s mother, Arthur Sydney, and Little Susie (with eyes like saucers) were agog at Little Tommie’s language. “LITTLE TOMMIE”, yelled Sydney’s mother, “YOU MUST NEVER SAY THAT WORD
AGAIN!”
Well, Little Tommy, and Little Susie went on … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shakes-hands-with-the-head-of-the-household/
A Man of Few Words
Posted on the Puns@yahoogroups.com.
Once upon a time there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-man-of-few-words/