TV Tropes is a wiki about the tricks of the trade in writing fiction. Tropes are devices a writer can use and be reasonably sure they will be present in the minds of audience members.
Basically, each entry defines the tropes and lists its uses in various media examples. You can also look at particular TV shows, movies, books, etc. and see the tropes used in it.
In fairness, you should know that going to TV Tropes can cost you … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/tv-tropes-puns/
This listing is from Mitch Friedman, and for which we thank him. (I was tempted, but I think “thinkers” is better than “nerds”.)
1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/equivalents-for-all-you-thinkers/
Sensitivity Training For Men
This was forwarded by Lowrie B who actually deleted certain ones.
* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair; but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
* Went to our local bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-lessons-in-political-correctness-may-be-needed-for-men/
Another list of wisdom from Bro Tom Vickery. He’s my age, BTW; or is it visa versa?
Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/now-that-im-older/
Thanks to Stan Kegel for this list.
Capitalism: He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishn:a He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism: He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican: They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox No, they were OURS first.
Lutheran: Our toys are nailed on the door.
Branch Davidians: He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism: There is no toy maker.
Polytheism: There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism: … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/favorite-toys-by-denomination/
32. Can you say “Stereotype”?
Another from Lowrie B.
31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won’t fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken
26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
25. You can’t feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-top-31-things-you-will-never-hear-a-southern-boy-say/
This was posted at the pun page at yahoogrooups.com. If anyone has useful additions, let me know and I will post them.
404: Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”
Adminisphere: The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-office-slang/
Anna Welander posted this on puns@yahoogroups.com.
Here are some more humorous t-shirts to wear around town.
Put one on and see how many laughs you get:
* Here I am! Now What are Your Other Two Wishes?
* I Recycle. I Wore this Shirt Yesterday.
* I’m Good in Bed. I can sleep for Days!
* Also Available in Sober.
* Voted Class of 2057’s Most Likely to Travel Back in Time.
* I’m like a Museum – Look But … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/t-shirt-captions/
This was posted in puns@yahoogroups.com. I don’t know why these things keep coming to me more frequently these days. Probably, I should add that to the list.
Have you celebrated your 25th birthday for the last ten years? Twenty? There are many perks to getting older. Such as closer parking, discounts, and the fact that you’re least likely to get kidnapped. Here are some signs that maybe, just maybe, you might be getting a little older.
1. You walk into … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/in-the-land-of-old-age/
These are from Sonya Schali. Thank you
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up womans’ leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/things-confucius-did-not-say-but-should-have/
Readers of New York magazine were asked to invent country-song titles. Here are some of their entries.
– Ain’t No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out
– You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa
– Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With A Tart
– I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad Hare Day
– She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn’t Choose Me
– The Peach I … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-country-song-titles/
From the groaners listserv. Assuming there is a season next year, the following is likely to happen.
The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the teams rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced yesterday its name changes for the upcoming season, as well as the first week’s schedule that includes:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/politically-correct-nfl-teams/
From Shayne Gad.
GENERAL:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still
Rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/east-texas-etiquette/
Another salvo in the war between the sexes, this punishment was posted on the groaners listserv.
TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE
5. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
2. They’re typically obsolete … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/computer-gender/
Our next chapter in the War Between the Sexes was sent by Shayne Gad.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/men-are-just-happier-people/
This chapter in the War Between the Sexes came from the groanerslistserv.
1.) FINE:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) FIVE MINUTES:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) NOTHING:
… Read the rest...This is the calm before the
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/nine-dangerous-words-women-use/
Posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.
Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan , or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,
For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.
We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-land-that-made-me-me/
From the groaners listserv.
There are many different animals in a bar. The bartender comes over at the end of the night …
The skunk says ‘Don’t look at me, I haven’t got a scent’
The duck says ‘Just put it on my bill’
The cow says ‘You’ll have to ask one of the udders’
The deer says ‘I had a buck last week and I’m expecting a little doe soon’
The frog says, “I’ve got one greenback”
The vampire … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/animals-in-a-bar/
From the groaners listserv. My father would have greatly appreciated this one. Thanks, Dad.
1.DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT
Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him/her to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2.BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he/she can get.
3.TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ethical-behavior-for-patients/
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Why are these things seemingly so pertinent these days?
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Seniors’ Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, this is the code for you!
SENIOR TEXTING CODE
… Read the rest...AFT: Another Funeral Today
ATD: At the Doctor’s
B2N: Bingo Tonight?
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM:
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/texting-for-seniors/
A seasonal posting from the groaners listserv.
Christmas Cookie Rules
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/rules-christmas-cookies-and-calories/
Right up to the minute, these come from the groaners listserv. Take care of your cars, folks. Seriously!
Grope discounts available.
Can’t see London, can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.
If we did our job any better, we’d have to buy you dinner first.
Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.
Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.
Throw a few back at the airport Chili’s and you won’t even notice.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/tsa-slogans/
This is from bwjokes and the groaners listserv. It does not tell a happy tale.
A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H high blood pressure–I’d rather it be low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-alphabet-for-the-elderly/
This is from the groaners listserv.
Helium was up,
Feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/todays-stock-market-report/
Since it seems that gene-splicing has become a reality, all those old jokes about crossing a parrot with a centipede* are within the realm of possibility. Here are a few examples of what could happen.
Cross an Indian monkey with a vine of the legume family and a plant with yellow cup-shaped flowers and you’ll get a Rhesus Peanut Buttercup.
Cross a Sasquatch and a baboon and you’ll get a Sassoon. An animal that lurks in the suburbs at night, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/effects-of-gene-splicing/