A new groaner by Tiff Wimberly. Posted on PUNY. Yea!
Two farmers were talking at the co-op about the weather and crops, when a third farmer walks up and offers his two cents about the need for rain and yields and then ended his conversation by pulling out a handful of wheat berries from the pocket of his overalls and pelting the other two farmers with them before walking away.
One of the farmers said. “What in tarnation did he … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/scream-of-wheat/
The original tale is by Alan B. Combs. It led to a pun cascade on PUNY.
Folk-monsters are a part of the underculture in many countries. Fear of bogeymen, vampires, werewolves, dervishes, zombies, and other such unfriendly life forms (speaking loosely) is part of being human. I have recently become familiar with a fairly well-described Hispanic entity. This fearsome creature is a modern affliction, combining the very worst aspects of military helicopters with a peculiar abuse of goats. Found mostly … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hispanic-folk-monsters/
This was a recent cascade on PUNY.
My former graduate student says that each time she visits Beijing or Shanghai, it always seems that she’s been there before. I think it’s a clear case of Asia vu.
Alan B. Combs
In his declining years our recently deceased Republican president daily attempted to regain bits of his memory by watching videotapes of his trip to China. Yogi Berra noted that it seemed like Asia vu all over Reagan.
GARY HALLOCK
I’ve … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/china-redux/
By Gary Hallock via PUNY.
Don Quixote was breakfasting with a friend one morning and was distressed to discover that many small sugar ants had gotten into his syrup. Being a noble fellow, he carefully removed each of the small insects, and set it aside on a clean napkin. As he did this, he counted each bug out loud. This is how he became known as “The knight of the waffle countin’ ants.”
As if this scene weren’t already strange … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ants-2/
By Alan B. Combs with a cascade of help from PUNY.
You probably saw the recent article on one of the news services where a woman stabbed her husband to death, stuffed him into a trash baggie, and threw his carcass into a convenient dumpster.
The jury decided it was a clear case of marital discard.
Bob Dvorak said, “Probably a hatchet job. We’ve all heard of ex murders.”
Gary Hallock added, ” I guess the old maid finally bagged … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-lose-two-hundred-ugly-pounds/
This is by Cynthia MacGregor who posted it to the PUNY listserv.
Barney drove round to the back of the bank, intending to use the drive-in, only to discover that the bank was having the area resurfaced and sawhorses were blocking his access. He got out of his vehicle and walked to the drive-up window, stepping in the sticky black stuff as he went.
As he left the window, his transaction completed, his shoes kept sticking to the newly repaved … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/may-i-have-this-dance/
This is by punmeister Gary Hallock who sent it to the PUNY listserv.. Timely, too.
Sometimes when I’m very tired I’ll read the newsweakly, but mostly I enjoy one of the other periodicals that don’t pander to prurient interests. This week I was anxious to see if my favorite magazine would demean their reputation by featuring sleazy photos of Janet Jackson’s skanky Super Bowl boob stunt. At the appropriate moment I looked out to my front porch mailbox to see … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-grim-reader/
Stan Kegel posted this on the PUNY listserve. There are several new ones in this collection.
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism it’s your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/for-all-the-lexophiles-lovers-of-words/
This is a recent pun cascade on PUNY by the usual suspects.
Surely, I must have stolen this from someone, but it just came to me while filing away a series of MS Word documents for the PC.
One should be titled “What’s Up.doc”.
Alan B. Combs
Surely a document of 24-carrot quality.
Bob Dvorak
My system certainly has enough Bugs in it.
Jason Dias
Uh Oh! Somebody ought to warn our brothers that the puns are about to get … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/another-puny-bunny/
We have several master punsters operating these days. One of the foremost among equals is Gary Hallock who wrote this and published in on the PUNY listserv.
I have a friend who has accumulated a lot of collectible memorabilia related to his favorite New York basketball team. He’s quite good at it. I guess you could say he has quite a Knick knack. Unfortunately his hobby has taken a sad turn as he’s recently developed a passion for counterfeit products … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/phoney-sects/
The first part of this tale is by Bob Dvorak who posted it to the PUNY listserv. Jason Dias’ response is the second part. Chris Cole’s response is the third part.
Jerry and Cassie McCoy had brought the kids on vacation to Colorado. One of the anticipated highlights was climbing the 14,000-foot-plus Pike’s Peak by automobile.
Unfortunately, somewhere around the 11,000-foot marker, their car began to struggle. The engine definitely sounded strained, and was beginning to misfire occasionally. Jerry despondently … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/mounting-a-peak-effort/
From Joseph Harris via: PUNY , the author is not known.
John Day was an elegant man about town. He had his routine and because his father was wealthy, and then some, that routine consisted mainly of doing nothing with elegance and style. But, as happens with even the most dedicated bachelor he reached the age where he decided an elegant marriage would be a good thing. His father had been waiting for this day for a long time because … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/man-about-town/
Jim Ertner sent the following to the PUNY listserv.
As the brand-new Queen Mary 2 is about to complete her first transatlantic crossing, I’m reminded of the legendary fish that were swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. “Look at that huge cloud overhead,” said one fish to another; “there must be a big storm up there.”
“No,” rejoindered the other, “that’s just the Queen Mary’s bottom.”
“In that case,” replied the first fish, “God save the king!”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/queen-mary-ii-maiden-voyage/
This excellent and seasonal tale is by Jason Dias. It was posted to the PUNY listserv.
Ex-presidential candidate Bob Dole was at the Renaissance festival, when he saw a vendor selling very cute period tents. They were both charming and historically accurate. Ignoring the prominent `sold’ sign, he promised the vendor twice the original sale price for them.
“Sorry,” said the vendor. “I’ve already sold them to those teenagers over there. The ones dressed all in black with the scary … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sometimes-im-a-wigwam-sometimes-im-a-tepee/
This is by Cynthia MacGregor. It is from the PUNY listserv
Teenagers don’t change from one generation to the next. They are always undependable. They are always sex-crazed. And they are always smartalecks.
Take Louise, as a case in point. She lived some time back, but she was no different from a teen of 2004. As she was a teenager of times past, Louise wasn’t a rock music devotee–in fact, her passion was art. Her parents might have been pleased … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/art-groupies/
This is by Bob Dvorak and came via the PUNY listserv.
Sergei was a peasant in the old Russian Empire. Life was hard. He had food; he had a family. But the toil required to keep his family fed and warm was taking its toll on his health.
While hoeing his field one day he came upon a bottle. On opening it, he was confronted by the proverbial genie, who granted him one wish.
Unable to think very far, he … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/one-wish/
By Alan B. Combs with addenda from PUNY and my mailing list.
There has been much press recently about a purported epidemic of obesity in the country, a condition that is not contagious, but certainly is spreading. More rare, but even more life-threatening conditions are bulimia and anorexia. These are obsessive/compulsive conditions characterized by inappropriate body image where they imagine they are too fat. In response to this image, these people fast excessively, purge themselves, and when they do eat … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bulimia-nervosa/
by Alan B. Combs. After posting this on PUNY (Punsters United Nearly Yearly), the following cascade resulted. I wrote the first version of this tale nearly twenty years ago.
Not that I can do it, but I routinely skim the medical literature to try to keep up professionally. Several years back, I came across an article in the New England Journal of Medicine called “Salmonellosis associated with marijuana: a multistate outbreak traced by plasmid fingerprinting”, (New England Journal of Medicine … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/contamination/
This was a recent pun cascade on the PUNY listserv.
It can be very difficult, when asked to write a story or a play, to not base any characters on people you already know. When you are a teenager, more often than not this means that your family members play some part in the part in your play, whether you intend them to or not.
This was just the case for Dorothy. Her drama class had written plays the year … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/starring-auntie-em-as-the-good-witch-glinda/
By Bob Dvorak Via: PUNY .
In a kingdom in a faraway land, at least for some of us, there lived a king who wasn’t too imaginative naming his knights — and thus they all bore caricatural names.
There was Horny Knight, and Sleepy Knight, and Dopey Knight, and Bashful Knight, and, well, you get the idea. But his right-hand-man was the one who was FAR more serious than the others, and could usually be counted upon to help in … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-knights-2/
This is by Gary Hallock. It was originally posted on PUNY.
Today [November 6] being the birth anniversary of both Adolph Sax and John Phillip Sousa I thought I’d let you know about a film that is currently in production. I read about it in the Washington Post. It will be a re-make an early Bo Derek film. Not surprisingly the star of this new flick will be a super model whose enigmatic first name sounds like a single letter. … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/if-you-knew-sousa-like-i-knew-sousa/
Bob Dvorak writes my type of tales. He is a new and active presence on PUNY. This is his latest.
… So a police detective is staking out a house where a drug deal is reportedly going down. Sitting high in the elm tree across the street, he dozed off and fell…
‘Twas the Narc de Tree – oomph.
Said he, “Eiffel. I must be a Louvre, sir.”
Eventually he went in Seine.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/on-to-france/
This is by Cynthia MacGregor who sent it to the PUNY listserv.
We’ve had some unusual politicians in our nation’s history. People looked askance when Jesse Ventura was elected, but that’s only because no one remembers a certain elected official of years ago.
This office-holder favored a certain soft drink and drank it to the exclusion of all else…to the extent that he eventually became called after this beverage. That wasn’t his most unusual quirk, though! Although the official was … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-politician-2/
This is one of Gary Hallock’s additions to a recent pun cascade in the PUNY listserv. It can stand or limp alone, as the case may be.
Speaking of perverts, I looked into my pedofile and found the story of a perverted pedicurist who would break into people’s homes and trim their nails while they were sleeping. Probably a clip toe maniac.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/categories-of-perversion/
The endlessly inventive Tiff Wimberly posted this timely note on PUNY.
A document that is 11,807 pages long has been delivered to the UN containing information regarding the Iraqi weapons of mass destruction program or lack thereof. Surely, our president who is contemplating war will receive some sort of condensed report of this document so he can decide what to do next. He will probably get the Leader’s Digest version.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/cliff-notes-anyone/