This ia a pun cascade from P.U.N.Y.
Playboy Founder Hugh Hefner Engaged to 24-Year-Old
The 84-year-old announces his engagement to model Crystal
Harris on Twitter.
The above – seriously! – is from today’s news.
I can guess what wedding gifts they’ll exchange: She’ll give
him an Erector set, and he’ll give her a do-it-yourself kit.
Charles Wukash
A bunny thing happened on the way to the nursing home.
Gary Hallock
I thought young gal would play boy, man shun.
Chris … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/current-events-interage-marriage/
A seasonal offering from the PUNY listserv.
A yam: First person singular present of “to be” as in, “A yam very happy that everyone was able to be here tonight” (Cynthia MacGregor)
Breast: The part of the bird little kids love to ask for because they’re getting away with saying one of “those” words without getting punished for it (Cynthia MacGregor)
Brussels Sprouts: Das Kindergartners (in my best fractured pseudoFlemish) (Bob Dvorak)
Candied Yams: Descartes telling it like it is… … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-puny-thanksgiving-dictionary/
Posted on P.U.N.Y. as a riddle, “I want to get off on Foal 100”. This is by Bob Dvorak.
The youngster on the horse farm was in a playful mood. The weather was warm, the skies were clear. Butterflies flitted about and there wasn’t a fly in sight. He went down to the pond, and gingerly stepped in to grab a sip of water. A misstep into the muck, however, caused him to flounder; he lost his footing and splashed … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-horse-riddle/
We have in no manner run out of these daily Halloween stories. That leaves some for next year. This particular tale is by Bob Dvorak and was posted to P.U.N.Y.
Dracula was walking down the street in mufti. He paused in front of a jewelry shop and was admiring a bracelet with some particularly marvelous blood-red stones when a young woman approached with the similar idea of browsing expensive baubles.
As she studied an opal pendant she heard a somewhat … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/off-the-beaten-drac/
Published on the P.U.N.Y and the groaners listserv, this tender tale is by the incomparable punster Gary Hallock.
… Read the rest...An ugly old minister, Hume
Too many dark peas did consume
It killed him, that’s shown
That’s why he’s now known
As preacher from the black legumeOne night under bloody full moon
The time of the month made for woo’in
Hume went on the prowl
And heard his ghoul howl
And knew he cadaver real soonHume asked her “Would you
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-halloween-love-story/
This is a series of car puns from P.U.N.Y. The usual suspects are identified.
What did the demolition driver do to cars?
He rectum (Doug Specter)
What did the Indian wrecker truck driver do with cars?
He totem (Doug Specter)
What did the CPA do to his car?
He totaled it (Doug Specter)
What did the mink coat salesman do with cars?
He stole them (Doug Specter)
What do Polish people do with their cars?
… Read the rest...They polish them (Doug Specter)
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/car-quiz/
This witch’s tale is by Bob Dvorak.
As the New Year approached, business was roaring. Every customer wanted some sort of potion to improve his life, or some sort of poison to ruin another’s.
Merelda was a top-flight witch. Her poisons and potions were known to be at least fourteen times better than any others in the kingdom. No one save she knew why, and it was her closely guarded secret. Had they followed her around, they would have discovered … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-groaner-iii/
Another Halloween Groaner, this time by Gary Hallock.
After a long and productive lifetime of hunching over her bubbling cauldron muttering incantations and concocting various enchanted brews, the wretched crone finally came to the realization that she was no longer in her prime. In addition to the pronounced dowager’s hump she’d developed, her arthritic feet were an almost constant source of pain and torment for her. She could barely stuff her wrinkled toes into those pointed boots any longer.
One … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-groaner-ii/
From the P.U.N.Y. listserve, a serving of witchcraft by Cynthia MacGregor.
Nothin’ says lovin’ like something from the coven, so Hazel (which Hazel? You know which Hazel!) decided to cast a spell. She went down to the river and lazily threw the fishhook into the water for half an hour or so.
“What are you doing?” a passerby asked.
“Just casting, a spell,” she replied, annoyed that it wasn’t obvious. Who was this ignorant fellow anyhow? Irked, Hazel decided to … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-groaner-i/
This is a pun cascade from many of the folks at P.U.N.Y.
From our vantage overlooking the Hudson at West Point, we could see, near the top of a hill on the other side, a castle [purportedly] used in the filming of The Wizard of Oz, complete with a moat. Apparently it won’t be used in future productions. It’s been demoated.
Bob Dvorak
If the castle is not being used, we should consider the ditch around it to be moot.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/west-point/
This is a recent series of puns on the PUNY listserv.
What’s a large animal that, when it walks back and forth, back and forth, and makes you very sleepy to look at it?
A hypnopotamus!
Cyn (MacGregor)
= = = = =
What greeting in a nudest camp makes you think of an animal?
A Buff Hello
Stan (Kegel)
= = = = =
Q: What does the father Buff Hello say when he drops his kid off at … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/puns-on-the-animal-kingdom/
This was posted by Gill Krebs to puns@yahoogroups.com
It’s an unseasonably cold day in Dallas. Two priests who are visiting town for a convention are walking and since they did not bring overcoats, they decide to buy a couple. They go into Nieman Marcus and ask the clerk for two black overcoats. The clerk explains that it’s the off-season for overcoats, but he’ll take a look. All he can find are two navy blue coats of the proper size.
He … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-overcoats/
A pun cascade perpetrated to PUNY.
The NY Times indicates that an increase in the number of vasectomies correlates with the recessions.
I guess in this economy, all of us have had to cut some things out.
Alan
I am quite distressed by the levity on this topic; it cuts me to the quick.
Joseph Harris
Male sterilization makes a vast difference for the better. If you don’t see the pun, you need to Google the subject and graze … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/signs-of-the-times/
Cynthia MacGregor is the moderator for a punsters weekly limerick challenge. She says, “Your challenge for Lim-ber Your Mind #27 was: Write a limerick whose first line is:
“If happiness you are pursuing”
The entries:
If happiness you are pursuing,
Try to willing maid be a-wooing,
But hedge wedding bet,
A prenuptial get,
To help when ex-wife comes a-suing.
—-Chris Papa
If happiness you are pursuing
But your spouse has threatened her suing
Don’t run and hide
To choose a … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/limerick-challenge-no-27/
Herein we report a recent pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.
Right now the U.S. Volleyball team is playing on TV. It is a pleasure to watch these daughters and sons of the beach.
Alan C
Opening this note was a net loss to me; a real dis-service.
Lowrie Beacham
Son of a beech…is that something like an acorn?
Cyn Mac
Watching women’s beach volleyball is a real thrill. No if’s sands or butts!
Gary Hallock
Rumor has it that next year, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/volleyball-on-the-sands/
From the PUNY listserv.
Where do the birds live?
Some of the answers seem obvious.
Parakeets live in places where they can be forced to budge.
Some birds quail and live in hiding during hunting season.
Ospreys can be found in churches with the letspreys.
Cranes live mostly at construction sites.
Woodpeckers can survive in places without Viagra.
And Toucans live as cheaply as one.
And, where, according to the Muppets in an old TV show, do those wide-winged South … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/where-do-the-birds-live/
This was posted on PUNY. The persn doing the posting said, “This is not mine. Please, if you pass it on, do not give me credit. I found it on the net.”
Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese deliveryman is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling, “You sign, you sign”.
The bewildered president will do no such thing and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/nelson-mandela/
This was a pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.
The big news recently is the Iowa caucuses. Supposedly, LBJ didn’t have much use for caucuses and once said that the difference between a caucus and a cactus was the following: With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
Charles W.
===============
I always figured a “caw-cuss” was the noise a crow makes when he’s really pissed.
Gary Hallock
===============
And the noise an angry bovine makes is a cow-cuss.
Jim Ertner… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/iowa-caucuses/
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/curmudgeons-valentines-day/
By Alan B. Combs. This story features a non-winning entry (much better description than “losing entry”) in a recent P.U.N.Y. contest.
Those of us of a certain age may remember the 1942 movie about a young fawn that makes friends with all the woodland creatures, has his mother killed tragically by a hunter, and who eventually grows up to be the Prince of the Forest.
The years of his youth were considerably more difficult than the mostly idyllic tale portrayed … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/deer-walt-disney/
Gary Hallock posted this timely quip on P.U.N.Y.
After serving 35 years on TV’s popular game show, The Price is Right, the host is finally going to retire. I imagine he’ll now have more time to concentrate on his sideline of neutering dogs. That’s right, he’ll still Bob Barkers.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/for-the-right-price/
By Alan B. Combs. A nice, gentle offering went south as a PUNY cascade.
An unpopular, overly-studious, socially inept young fellow nevertheless did have one thing going for him. He never seemed to get colds or infections no matter what infectious microorganism was going around. He became the subject of several medical studies, therefore.
After much investigation, it was concluded that most pathogens had a very hard time finding their way around in the dork.
If some of those pathogens … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/disease-resistant/
This pun cascade was recently posted to PUNY.
A man was brought into an emergency room grasping his foot and screming that he was having chest pains. The nurse asked him “If your having chest pains why are you holding your foot?”
The man replied, “Because that’s what I dropped the chest on!”
Bradley
A well-endowed woman was brought into the emergency room with a man’s shoe firmly lodged in her cleavage.
The nurse asked her, “What happened to you?”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/code-blew-adult-theme-pun-cascade/
This pun cascade appeared on PUNY a couple of yeas ago.
A guy bought a pair of parrots and decided to go into the parrot breeding business. He didn’t think much of the fact that both birds were named Polly, but unfortunately both birds were actually female. Thus his plans for parrot breeding hit a snag until he got the idea of cloning them. After many months of work he was eventually able to produce a half dozen fertilized eggs. … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/groaners-featuring-birds/
Bruce Noname started this cascade on the groaners listserv. It was carried on in PUNY.
A True story:
I used to work for T.I. in Houston. Once a young programmer fellow from the Bedford, England came to do some consulting. He was a nice enough guy, but very stiff and proper.
On his last day before returning to G.B., I took him to lunch at a Luby’s Cafeteria. While waiting in line, I told him that before he left Texas, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/mepyew/