Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Busted

Category: Puns, Rated PG-13

By Alan B. Combs, accompaied by Chris Caillouet and Bob Dvorak.


It’s true. I have strange friends. Some time ago I told you about a friend that collected statues of various people named William — the Bill-collector. I have another friend, one that instead of statues, collects marble busts of famous people. He keeps them on the shelves in his office.

The actor Richard Boone, of “Have Gun, Will Travel” fame is one of them. Another is of President Nixon. He has a particularly fine bust of King Richard I, aka the Lion- Hearted. Elizabeth Taylor’s ex is there. The famous host of American Bandstand is in the collection. The unique characteristic of his collection is that all the busts share the first name Richard.

I knew it had to happen and was waiting with sad anticipation. The other day I saw my friend very distressed and crestfallen. Someone was casting aspersions on his collection and told him he had nothing but a collection of dickheads.


Chris Caillouet responded:

That’s a mighty cocksure accusation!


And Bob Dvorak was prompted to create:

The fellow who collected dickheads met equally strange people in the course of pursuing the expansion of his collection. At one statuary in northern New Jersey he came across a man who was studying a life-size statue of Peter Pan. In the course of conversation it came out that he was adding to his collection of O’Toole, Tchaikovsky, Lorre, and so forth.

They next met at an estate auction in central Connecticut about a year and a half later. It turns out that his new friend had just undergone extensive therapy.

He had examined photographs of a statue of Peter Sellers, available for sale on the Internet. He had arranged for its appraisal by an independent appraiser in California. He had bid and won, and the item shipped from Sacramento to New York. What he had not known was that it was a three-quarter-scale work.

“Next thing you know, my wife is complaining about the size of my Peter!”

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