This much-traveled tale came from Mel Lett. Endless variants exist.

A small East Texas Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks, the gorilla, which was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Ted Standen, a Bubba-esque part-time worker, who was responsible for cleaning the animal’s cages. Ted, like most Bubbas, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The administrator thought they might have a solution. Ted was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Ted showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ted announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions.

“First,” Ted said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her on the lips.”

The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, Ted said, “you must never tell anyone about this”

The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third,” Ted said, “I want any offspring to be raised Southern Baptist.”

Once again the administrator agreed.

“And last of all,” Ted stated, “you’ve got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00.”