Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


British Wedding Protocol

Category: Adult Theme, Puns

This was posted on the Whimsical Wits website. The author of this tale is not known.


During WWII, an American Army Captain stationed in England met and fell in love with a British Lieutenant in the WRENS. After a whirlwind courtship, they became engaged and his fiance wanted him to spend the weekend at her parents’ home in the country so they could meet him.

When they arrived at a huge estate, a Rolls Royce was parked in front of a circular driveway with a staff of a dozen maids, butlers, gardeners, etc., standing at attention awaiting their arrival. It was obvious to the Yank that his fiance was no ordinary Brit, but of the nobility. Her parents were absolutely taken by her choice of a husband and a delightful weekend was enjoyed by all.

When the Yank returned to his headquarters outside London, he went to the British liaison officer’s office, explained what had happened, and asked what the proper protocol would be for him at the wedding.

“At the wedding, pretty much the same as your American weddings, I would say, but a bit more elaborate. The big difference would be after the wedding. You will both have connecting rooms in the Claridge. You will both go to your separate rooms, where you will bathe, apply cologne, put on your pyjamas and robe, and go to the door connecting your two rooms. You will rap on the door. She will answer, ‘yes,’ and you will say, ‘I offer you my honour.’ She will respond, ‘I honour your offer.’ That is your permission to enter her room. After that, it’s honour and offer all night.”

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