Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Bread ZepPUN

Category: Rated G

by Alan B. Combs


In this part of the former sovereign nation of Texas, one of the local bakeries claims to be a family-owned business. The son comes on television and radio and tells us how the company is following the precepts and principles taught by Momma B. who founded the company.

A little investigation shows that in addition to her other virtues, Momma B. is always willing to experiment with new methods in bread production. One serious problem upon which she is working is the critical process of bread expansion during the baking. A traditional method is to use yeast, and the little micro-organisms joyously give up their lives in production of the carbon dioxide needed to make the bread rise. Another venerable technique is to use baking powder, an unstable mixture that in the presence of moisture and heat gives off carbon dioxide. Momma B. is working on a new technology. At the critical moment in baking, a tiny straw is repeatedly stuck into the loaf and pressure is used to blow tiny bubbles in the dough. Heat causes these bubbles to expand and the bread rises.

Clearly, Momma B. is a pioneer in bread-making, and she is trying an airway to leaven.


Alternatively, we might consider the sad case of the golfer on the L.P.G.A. Tour. The first six holes of golf were excellent, but the next one was her downfall. She shanked the drive and it flew to the left, making no progress toward the pin. She whacked the ball again. This time it reversed its previous course and ended up almost at the original tee. Very depressing. Already, she has two strokes, and she is lying a fairway to Seven.

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