Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy, Short Snorts

This is from the pun group on yahoo.

Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)
You just might be a Blueneck if …

… instead of referring to two or more people as “Y’all,” you call
    them “you guys”. Even if both of them are women.

… you think barbecue is a verb meaning “to cook outside.”

… you think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.

… you would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on
    the side of the road.

… you don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce”

… you don’t know what a Moon Pie is.

… you’ve never had an RC Cola.

… you’ve never, ever eaten okra — fried, boiled, OR pickled.

… you eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

… you’ve never seen a chicken that isn’t sitting on styrofoam
    wrapped in clear plastic, and the only cows you’ve seen are
    on road trips.

… you have no idea what a polecat is.

… you don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your

… you don’t have bangs.

… you would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up
    to get his own TV fishin’ show.

… you’ve never eaten, and don’t know how to make, a tomato

… you think more money should go to important scientific research
    at your university, than to pay the salary of the head football

… you don’t even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the

… you don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed

… you don’t know anyone with at least two first names (e.g.,
    Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, etc.)

… none of your fur coats are real.

… you never banged your head on the gun rack in the pickemup (from Howell Gwin).

… you think catfish come from farms and you never heard of turnip greens (also from

… you think a frog gig is a really bad scene.

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