Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Baywatch

Category: Rated G

A version of this story, shaggier than most, was supplied to me by Steven Wilson. However, this tale is nearly as old as Tony Bennett.


Once upon a time there were 2 brothers, Peter and Sam Frank. Peter was a very good boy. He was the sort not to pull the legs off spiders, and he helped old ladies across the street. Sam on the other hand was very bad. He pulled the legs off spiders, he abused mice and hamsters, and he loved kicking grannies. Despite their clear differences, the brothers were good friends.

One day while they were out walking together, Sam saw a piece of roadkill and decided it would look good in his collection. As he strolled out to collect it, a bus came round the corner at a high speed. Peter saw it and ran out to push Sam away, but it was all in vain as the bus hit and killed them both.

As is the nature of the life after, Peter went to Heaven and Sam went to the other place. Now in Heaven and Hell, they have phones between the two because bad and good people have a tendency to become friends. So after a week Sam phoned Peter and asked him how life in Heaven was?

Peter told him how every day they had to get up early and go out and bring the stars in and polish them then take them and put them back in the right place. Then they had to attend choir practice and discuss theology!! Peter asked Sam how Hell was?

Sam said it was great because there were parties that went on for days. The music was always full volume, and it was great. Sam then mentioned that he now owned his own disco, and he asked if Peter wanted to come and see it. Peter told Sam that he would ask God if he could visit his brother.

So Peter asked God and God gave his permission, but with one condition — that he take his harp with him. So Peter went down to Hell and danced in Sam’s disco until he was exhausted. He ate the terrible food and decided that was the main difference between the Heaven and Hell.

At the end of the day Peter went back up to Heaven, and at the Pearly gates God was waiting for him. God noticed immediately that Peter no longer had his harp, and he asked Peter where it was?

Peter’s reply was, “I left my harp in Sam Frank’s disco!”

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