By Bob Dvorak.

People will tell me to “Go to Hell!” — but it’s actually not a bad idea. I visit occasionally. They have a watchdog at the entrance — kind of an ugly thing with three heads and all, but as long as you don’t try to enter uninvited, he’s actually a pretty reasonable character.

Last month I went for a visit. “Hi, Cerberus!” I called. “How’s it going?”

“Not bad,” he replied. (Being a mythological creature, of course he speaks English, as well as Greek and an assortment of other dialects.) “What brings you by? We don’t get many visitors out here in the Styx.”