As Shaggy As they Get

By Alan B. Combs with a comment by Christopher Boote.

This story is one hundred percent the truth. I would never lie about such a thing. Among many other interests, my father was an amateur naturalist, but with a strange sense of humor. One of the things that came to me as part of my inheritance (my sisters all rejected it) was a book by Robert A. Wallace, called “How They Do It: From Cats to Bats and Sharks to Frogs. How They Mate”, (William and Morrow, N.Y., 1980)(check it out on Alibris). This is quite a remarkable book, a natural history of reproduction in the animal kingdom with many chapters and remarkable photographs. It came to me that I have a great affinity for Mr. Wallace. You see, he is an avid collector of shaggy dong stories.

Christopeher Boote asks:

If he specialised in canine methods of reproduction, wouldn’t he be a collector of doggy shag stories?

Lowrie Beacham added:

Took me awhile to get the Alibris humor (being Presbyterian!); it puts me in mind of the fellow whose profession was elephant circumciser; the pay wasn’t much, but the tips were tremendous….

PS: Here’s an old one I found on the web:

Three Labradors

Three Labrador retrievers – a brown, yellow and black – are sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s office when they strike up a conversation. The black lab turns to the brown and says, “So why are you here?”

The brown lab replies, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything- the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.” The black lab says, “So what is the vet going to do?” “Gonna give me Prozac,” came the reply from the brown lab. “All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything.”

He then turns to the yellow lab and asks, “Why are you here?”

The yellow lab says, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.”

“So what are they going to do to you?” the black lab inquired. “Looks like Prozac for me too,” the dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks why he’s at the vet’s office.

“I’m a humper,” the black lab says. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.

“Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself, I hopped on her back and started humping away.”

The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, “So, Prozac for you too, huh?”

The black lab says, “No, I’m here to get my nails clipped.”

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