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Armageddon Headlines

Category: Lists, Puns, Rated G

This is from the groaners listserv.


When the end of the world arrives, how will the media report it?

USA Today:
     WE’RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal:
     DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer:
     O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy:
     GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal:
     APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria’s Secret Catalog:
     OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated:
     GAME OVER

Wired:
     THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone:
     THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest:
     ‘BYE

Discover Magazine:
     HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide:
     DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady’s Home Journal:
     LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW “ARMAGEDDON” DIET!

America Online:
     SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine:
     TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft’s Web Site:
     IF YOU DIDN’T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

Sun:
     ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

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