Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Another Obituary

Category: Puns, Rated G

This is by Stan Kegel.


Los Angeles Times, 02/17/02:

Dr. Vincent Beraid, an expert in designer genes, specialized in creating large animals for meat production.

Dr. Beraid’s death occurred during the development of a hog weighing over two tons. Dr. Beraid used almost eighty gorilla clones trained to carry out the mundane daily tasks of caring for this brute, who looked remarkably like Jabba the Hut.

One of the complicating factors in caring for this beast was his terrible bad breath. After feeding, It was necessary for several of the apes to force over 100 Chlorets down his throat before anyone could go into the lab.

On the day of the doctor’s death, one of the gorillas spilled the breath freshener tablets onto the floor.

The doctor became enraged and began beating the poor ape. His brothers rioted and pandemonium ensued.

It was four days before the police could enter the area with hermetically sealed Caterpillar bulldozers. Portions of Dr. Beraid’s remains were DNA fingerprinted from wall and ceiling residue.

The police report summarizing the event states, … “Seventy-six strong clones fed the pig Beraid with a hundred and ten Chorets close at hand.”

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