From the groaners listserv.

There are many different animals in a bar. The bartender comes over at the end of the night …

The skunk says ‘Don’t look at me, I haven’t got a scent’

The duck says ‘Just put it on my bill’

The cow says ‘You’ll have to ask one of the udders’

The deer says ‘I had a buck last week and I’m expecting a little doe soon’

The frog says, “I’ve got one greenback”

The vampire bat is thinking, “Which one can I stick for the drink today?”

One snake says, „I guess I can‚t hold my liquor. ‰

Another snake answers, “It’s hiss turn to pay,” pointing towasrd a nearby viper.

The viper responds, “If you think I’m paying that, you can kiss my Asp.”

The Rhinocerous says: “Don’t worry. When the waiter comes I’ll just charge it.”

The amoeba says, “I’ve got to split now.”

The paramecium says, “I’ll split it with him.”

The groundhog says, “If you let me go, I shadow you a favor.”

The turtle says, “I shell pay next time.”

The chicken says, “I hope it’s cheep.”

The elephant says, “But I’ve hardly trunk a drop.”

The dachshund says, “I’ve got be to getting a long now.”

The manx cat says, “I know you’ve probably heard this tail before, but I’m a little short.”

The chicken says, “If feather I pay it’ll be a cold day in hell.”

And the snail says, “No, you shell out the same as me”!

And the trotters says “take 50 cents from two quarterhorses”.

The beaver says, “Dam if I’ll pay”.

Other cows says, “We got no mooolah”.

The bumblebee says, “Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzz zzzzzz off

The zebra says, “It’s black and white–I haven’t the money.”

They each says, “Ask some otter animal.”

The giraffe says ‘Well, I guess the high balls are on me then’

Then, the lion says, “I’ll pay the rest. I’ve still got my pride.”