Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


An Issue of Animal Rights

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This is by John Barnstead and Randall Bookman. It was published on alt.callahans, my favorite virtual bar.


Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat’s faithful amanuensis and general factotum just read an article in today’s Toronto Globe and Mail about representatives of a clandestine animal-rights-cum-ornithological- observation-of-olfactory-exploitation group who have long been opposed to many of the more esoteric religious practices of members of a small Central Canadian nature cult (“Only in Canada”, eh? Pity…). He was touched by the account the reporter provides concerning their campaign against the methods used by the cult devotees to procure deer for sacrifice at Winter Solstice celebrations — they are said to coat themselves with the excretions of Caprimulgus europaeus, which deer find hard to resist, and then to disable their victims with a sharp blow from beneath to the patella, meanwhile drinking in the gruesome sight through large bifocal lenses. It is no wonder, then, that they are taking every conceivable measure to see the

Jar-scent peepers’ low-kneed harts’ club banned…


Rusty the Bookman immediately responded:

Of course, if the deer grabbed clubs and fought back, the cultists might well start wearing plate armor. If that happened, and a deer managed to place a disorienting knock on a cultist’s noggin, you’d have…

A Hart-Dazed Knight!

or shall we, ah… Let It Be?

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