Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Alaska Bear Hunting

Category: Adult Theme, Shaggy Dogs

From TJ and Ms. Scarlett. The author is not known.


Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to go bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. As he bent over to start cleaning it, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices… Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” After considering briefly, Bob decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the same black bear so he shot it. Right after he shot it, there was tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake Bob, that was my cousin and you’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob finally recovered!

Even more outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot him to death! He felt his sweet revenge, but then, there was another tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find an enormous, polar bear standing there, shaking his head. The polar bear looked at him sadly and said, “Admit it Bob… you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

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