Affirmative Actions

Originally received by Gatotomaso from SweePea (both of P.U.N.Y.)

OK, you know that in Hollywood, every producer has his “Yes Man” whose job it is to follow the producer around and say, “Yes, CB,” “Right, CB” and so on. Well, one of these Yes Men got depressed, so down in fact that he was unable to function. So he consulted a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist quickly determined the problem, and told the Yes Man that he just had to find a release for his negative feelings, and say, “No.”

“But if I said ‘No’, I’d get fired!” The Yes Man protested.

The psychiatrist said, “Oh, I don’t mean on the job, I mean go out to the Grand Canyon and find a ledge off the trail, and there you can yell ‘NO!’ to your heart’s content and no one will be the wiser.”

Well, the Yes Man decided to try it. He went to the Grand Canyon and found a spot off the trail, and stood there and very timidly said, “no.” It felt good, so he tried it a little louder, “No.” Even better! Soon he was shouting, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!” at the top of his lungs and feeling great.

He went back to work a changed man, and said “Yes!” with all the proper enthusiasm, because on the weekend he could escape to the Grand Canyon and say “NO!” Other Yes men decided to try this also, and soon every weekend the Grand Canyon was crammed with Yes Men shouting “NO!”

A new Yes Man came to Hollywood, and he too felt the need of such a release, but when he tried to find a ledge in the Grand Canyon, all of them seemed to be taken. He hunted and hunted, but every place he found was already taken by another Yes Man.

Finally he found a small ledge which had been overlooked because of its size. Thankfully he scurried out on it and stood there and said “No.” It felt great! So he wound up and released an enormous “NO!” and in so doing lost his balance and fell to his death. Which just goes to prove “A Little No Ledge Can Be a Dangerous Thing.”

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