By Gary Hallock. As Garfield says, “I resemble that re…”

A morbidly obese fellow went in to see his doctor. As usual, he was a bit apprehensive about having the doc see him still so rotund, for he knew that he’d be getting yet another lecture about taking off those extra pounds. Naturally, he was prepared with many rationalizations and excuses for why he’d failed again to achieve any significant reduction in his mass.

“It’s like this doc,” he started. “I went on this great new diet just before the holidays and of course you know how my wife loves to cook. Well, she always wants me to sample each dish to let her know if it’s just right, and so I did. I really couldn’t expect to reduce much until after the holidays, now could I? And so I made a New Year’s resolution to loose at least 10 pounds by Feb first, and I would have made it too, but my birthday is on Jan 28th and, well at the party there was just so much good food, and several people didn’t show up, so I hated to let all that cake go to waste, so it sort of went to my waste instead. Ha ha, you know what I mean don’t you? And then of course we always get invited to a lot of dinner parties around Ground Hog day, and then of course my lousy sex life just makes me crave…”

“Woah there, big fellow,” interjected the doctor. “Weigh too much information.”