Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


A Vast Golf

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This is from Austin Ziegler [aziegler@the-wire.com] and was posted on alt.callahans. It is here with permission and the proviso that it may not be copied or used for any other purpose without his permission. Thank you, Austin.


Everyone’s Uncle Feghoot visited me recently and told me of a story earlier this century involving a person who would later be quite famous.

The personage involved didn’t like to have this story told, of course, since it was quite embarrasing, so all that I can tell you right now is that he later went on to host the Tonight Show.

Anyway, as the story goes, this gentleman was hiking across America. Well, he got lost in the deepest darkest parts of America. Might have been New York, but it was probably West Virginia or Arkansas; Feghoot wouldn’t tell me.

He was captured by some cannibalisic hill-billies. Because they were in the middle of a family feud (the Dawsons vs. the Combs)[Editor’s note: I’m not sure where that came from, but so be it] which was being mediated by F. Feghoot … they wished to have a celebratory offering to Feggie.

So they brought the famous person to Uncle Feggie. He took one look at the proposed din-din and said, “No. I could not eat him. If I did so, the fighting would continue. . . . It’d be Parr for the course.” And so the man was released to become a Tonight Show personage.

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