Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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A Tall Ship Tale #10: A Pledge of Alley Gents

Category: alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G

Passing like ships in the night, here comes another Tall Ship Tale from Paul de Anguera.


When the Brotherhood priests returned to the frigate, they found the crew holding one of their members prisoner. He had sabotaged the H.M.S. Legume’s GAG levitation system in Chapter 4, and was evidently in the pay of the Tsar’s secret police. What was to be done? Where there was one saboteur, there might be more. As if this disgrace were not enough, there was bad blood between Chief Unshineer Francois and Emma Talligeist, the Transylvanian recruit — or, from her standpoint, good blood.

A circle of robed figures meditated on the quarter-deck. Why should a ship have such a deck? Could it be all that was left of a former entire deck? Or, as sailing ship technology developed over time, would it evolve into a half-deck, then a three-quarter-deck, and so on? Sir Francis Drake commanded the H.M.S. Elizabeth Bonaventure from a poop-deck. Had the British been forced to endure too many poop-deck jokes in the last hundred years? At length, one Brother arose and began to speak.

“We have sought the downfall of the Royal House of Romanov!”

“That we have!” the rest responded.

“We have meddled with the cosmos!”

“That we have!”

“We have caused a ship to fly, which is unnatural!”

“That we have!”

“And so we have brought disgrace upon our order. This will be our atonement: Eternal allegiance to Peter the Great and his progeny!”

“Aye!”

“Restoration of Mars to its proper orbit!”

“Aye!”

“And, lastly, never again to rise further from the ground than the back of an honest horse!”

“AYE!” they cried in an ecstasy of remorse. At this they all arose, joined hands in the center of their circle, and shouted:

“TSARS AND STIRRUPS FOREVER!”

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  1. A Tall Ship Tale: History Through #52 | Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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