Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


A Tall Ship Tale #7: A High-Iron Diet

Category: alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G

This is a continuation of the tall tales by Paul de Anguera.


The flying frigate H.M.S. Legume headed eastward, hoping to leave the horrors of Transylvania behind. Almo Sather leaned against the stern rail and gazed with bovine fascination at the evil land passing below. Now and then he reached into a paper bag with chubby fingers, took out another sugar cube filched from the galley, and popped it into his mouth. Suddenly he stiffened, for he had seen a running figure. Somebody was pursuing the ship!

Other sailors joined him at the rail to marvel, for with fiendish strength the lithe figure was more than matching the ship’s speed. Her femininity unconcealed by her severe black clothing, she carried a pole in pale white hands. Topping a hill, she suddenly set the pole to the ground and vaulted up onto the quarter-deck! Scarcely had her gossamer bat-wing cape settled about her when she advanced on poor Almo, silver moonlight glinting from her fangs. The other sailors drew away uneasily; but with a casual, powerful touch she compelled him to stay.

“Wh wh wh wh wh wh what are y y y y y y you g g g gonna d d d d d do?” he whimpered, trembling in her iron grip. She patted his shoulder reassuringly, and reached into the bag.

“I vault to suck cube, lad,” she said.


Howell Gwin responded to this story, saying that this obviously was a Suckcubeus.

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