Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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A Tall Ship Tale #23: Hellan (Prayer) Wheels

Category: alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G

The continuation by the very creative Paul de Anguera


With its crew reunited, the H.M.S. Legume sailed north to Greece to renew its supplies. Eleusis was its next port of call, for here the olives were legendary. The reason for this, as the First Mate discovered upon landing, was the region’s tiny Buddhist colony.

“Two centuries before Christ, India had a mighty king named Asoka,” Siu Purgh Lu, the wizened little Zen Master, explained as they strolled together through lush olive groves whose carefully-shaped trees the colony had manicured for millennia. “At first he made war on his neighbors, and in this he was successful. But when he saw the suffering which resulted, he renounced violence and became a Buddhist.

“Now, Christianity is noted for its missionaries, but there have been Buddhist missionaries too. King Asoka sent missionaries throughout the known world, and even as far as Greece. Frankly, their mission here was not very successful. Perhaps Asoka should have invaded Greece instead!” the Zen Master laughed delightedly. “But, as travel was so arduous in those times, they chose to remain.”

At this point they encountered a very tall monk pruning an olive tree. He set down his shears and bowed respectfully. When he rose, his hood slipped back and the First Mate was astounded to see red stubble on his shaved head. Siu Lu smiled at his surprise and introduced the red-haired monk.

“This is Lief Erik-Zen, whose great height suits him well to this work! He is named for his famous Icelandic ancestor — a seafarer like yourself, Lieutenant. The Vikings’ westward voyages are so notable that not many people realize they sailed eastward too. But, even a thousand years ago, travel was not easy, and so some chose to seek refuge here with us. This is how it came to pass that…

“Lief is an Eleusian.”


Ms. Scarlett responded:

So, is Sake named after Asaka? If so, then Sake Tumi. Oh, that was the great warrior, Sake Tumi. He was, as I understand it, my spiritual father, Tsunami after him, why not? They named me Charlotte, instead. I never understood if it was a lot of Chars or a fancy name for a car lot. There are those cattle, the Charolais, or as I like to say, Char! Ole!

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